Dreams of What Could Be
by Mistress of DarkSerpents
Summary: Bella has nightmares, awful dreams depicting things happening to her loved ones. She blames it on the fight against the newborns. Sleep deprived and edgy, she becomes fearful, and now, she thinks twice about her choice to join the world of immortals . . .
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Unlikely Nightmare**

This dream was very strange.

And if _I_ could tell, then that's saying something.

I was in a forest, surrounded by thick, towering trees. Evergreens, I noted. The trees that don't lose their needles throughout all the seasons. My dreaming self decided that tree-gazing was pointless, and began walking. It must have been winter, in this dream, for snow crunched underneath my feet.

I didn't know why, but I had to keep moving. Some part of me just wanted to get keep moving, get out of this forest. Something important must lie ahead.

But, I had to wonder. What was it?

Snow began to fall lazily from the gray clouds above. Apparently, in my dream, I was as clumsy here as I was in real life; I stumbled and tripped a lot. Amazingly, I didn't fall.

_Have to keep going, you have to keep going!_

_What was the urgency?_ I wondered. _Why was I in such a hurry?_

How odd.

As I came near the end of the forest, or at least I thought it was that, I noticed that the bark on the trees was marked; it looked like claw marks, like some angry beast came rushing through here and slashed the trees.

I kept moving.

Ahead of me I saw the forest's exit. Finally! My dreaming self exulted in this discovery and hurried forward, tripping and stumbling worse than ever.

At last, I was out of the forest.

I was in a strangely familiar looking clearing. Snow-covered trees circled it, like a group of giants. My eyes darted restlessly all around. What was I looking for? I didn't know. But I felt disheartened that whatever it was, _whoever_ it was, was not here.

Wait, in the center of the clearing . . . someone was there! Was it who I was searching for? I could only hope so. I ran forward.

And then I saw them.

Four cloaked figures emerged from the shadows. No, not really shadows, but the plume of smoke, coming from a big fire. They walked, almost glided across the ground, they were so graceful. Three of them were tall, and the other was rather small in comparison. I stared, unable to move. Who were they? And why was it that I somehow recognized them?

My eyes went from the group of hooded, cloaked figures, to the fire in the center of this clearing. Immediately I knew why I recognized it. This was the clearing from the battle against the newborns! Oh, I remembered _that_ well enough. The fight that the Cullens had been in, for me, the fight that they risked their lives in, for _me_. It had all been for me.

Now I remembered!

Why was I in this place? It contained no happy memories. Nothing to reflect upon and smile about. It was a place of death, fear, destruction, and an awful sense of foreboding of what was to come, when I became a newborn vampire.

I stared at the fire, feeling dread creep through my system sluggishly, like my body was slowly realizing that this was a bad situation. Bad, very bad. In the fire was _something_. I looked closer, never forgetting that the group of cloaked figures was there, silently watching. What was it that had this fire burning so brightly and so strongly? And, now that I was noticing it, what was that smell? It was like incense, a perfume but too strong . . .

Like a slap in the face, I knew what was in the fire.

Still somewhat recognizable, were vampires, torn limb from limb, fueling the fire, being destroyed before my very eyes. And somehow, though I hated to admit it, I knew who they were.

The group of cloaked figures laughed when I screamed, quite literally at the top of my lungs. The smallest one pushed their hood back as the members of my soon-to-be-vampire family burned.

The small one smiled at me sweetly.

I jerked back into awareness as if I'd just been electrocuted. My eyes snapped open and stared at ceiling above me. I was in my own room, in my bed, not in a forest that led to a clearing where my loved ones lay in ruins, burning in front of me. My heart was beating as if I'd just run a mile; something that I probably never would accomplish. My breathing was almost hysterical, gasping breaths tearing their way from my lungs.

_Just a dream,_ I thought. _Just a dream._ I thanked whatever gods were above that it was just that; a dream. But sometimes, dreams could feel so _real_.

A cold, smooth, hand closed around my own clammy one. Edward. Of course he was here. How could I have forgotten? And of course he would have heard it when I woke up. It was probably loud to him.

"Bella?" he asked softly. "Are you all right?"

I looked in the direction of his velvety voice, so soft, so soothing. He was there, perched on the edge of my bed, holding my hand. His golden eyes gazed at me, holding nothing but concern for me now.

I cleared my throat and sat up somewhat, propping myself on my elbows.

"Yeah, I'm all right," I muttered slowly, sleep making my voice thick.

Hmm. If only that was believable. I knew it wasn't. I had been having the same bad dream for going on a week now. It was always the same: my just having to leave that forest; exiting the forest; seeing the group of cloaked-clad figures; and then . . . and then . . .

Well, the dream was more correctly categorized as a nightmare, and it's just been plaguing my mind for a while now. I had no idea why either. Maybe my mind just liked this dream, though I knew that I certainly did _not_.

"Bella," Edward said. "you said that the past few nights. I know that though you like to say otherwise and play it down, that you are not _all right_. Please, love, tell me; what is wrong?"

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Bad dream." That's what I've been telling him, and that's all he's been getting.

"Oh," he murmured. "What was it about?"

No, no, I couldn't say! I didn't yet! Come on, I can be strong, I can resist in saying, right? Tell him . . . tell him that I ran into the clearing where a horrible sight lay before me. No, I wouldn't!

"I can't . . . remember," I mumbled. I hoped that my obvious exhaustion and much needed need for sleep would make it seem that I wasn't lying, even though I was.

Edward seemed convinced, though I couldn't tell, I was so tired and already felt like I was falling back to sleep. He shifted closed to me on the bed and raised my hand, still closed in his, to his icy lips and kissed it tenderly.

"It was just a dream, my love, nothing more," he said in a soothing, quiet voice. "Do not let it bother you. Find peace in you sleep . . . know that I am here . . ."

I slumped back down in my bed like a sack of potatoes. My eyes stayed fixed on Edward as I tried to fight a losing battle against my heavy eyelids. I was aware of him soothing me, and then my eyes closed.

I fell into what I hoped was peaceful, dream-free, sleep, for I dearly needed it.

The last thing I was aware of was Edward humming my lullaby.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I love Twilight, quite literally with all my heart, so of course I was going to wring my brain to come up with something! This story was inspired to me after I watched Eclipse. I thought, what happened to Bella, if she worried so much about this fight against the newborns, right. So, I delved into it and came up with this story. I wanted the fight to have a much bigger affect on her, I mean, if my loved ones were risking their lives for me, I would have been a mess. **

**So, thank you for your time, but can I ask for some more, just a review? Did you like it, or do you hate it along with my guts? Positive reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but, eh, to each his/her own, right?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Lying is Painful**

Morning came.

Light filtered in from the windows. Surprisingly, it was a fairly sunny day outside. Well, not sunny, to say, but there was no rain today.

That should have thrilled me enough. Even though the sun was weak as it was, if Edward were to be outside, his marble skin would have that luminescent sparkle. He would have to stay indoors, meaning it would just be a day of he and I.

Yes, that alone should have made me happy, perhaps waking up and throwing my arms around him in a tight hug, knowing that I had him all to myself. Granted that most of my days were like that now, but today, I don't know, it just seemed different.

Well, it _was_ different, just not the different I was looking for.

When I woke up, I felt like I hadn't slept at all. I know that I had indeed slept, but hovering on the edges of my unconsciousness mind was knowing that I could have another awful dream. I must have rolled around in bed restlessly.

I hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing, or more importantly, something that would give away what my dreams were about.

Charlie had to work today, so the house was quiet. Edward had asked how I was feeling when I woke up, but all I did was utter a groan. I attempted to get out of bed, but fell back in it as my head swam. Concern was almost radiating off Edward, but I gently shook off his hand and made my way to the bathroom.

Once behind the closed door, I went to the mirror and checked myself out.

_Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?_

_Certainly not me._

I had deep, bruise-like circles under my eyes that were a sharp contrast to my pale, paler than usual skin. My face looked gaunt, and my hair was another story, but that's to be expected. Sighing, I turned on the cold water and splashed my face with it.

When I was done, I left the bathroom and meandered into my room. Needing no invitation, I sank onto the bed where Edward still sat and he opened his arms and wrapped them around me.

"How did you sleep?" he asked softly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Why ask when you watched me?"

I wonder if he would have frowned when I answered with a question. It wasn't the best way to answer, I know, it's like avoiding answering it. But it was kind of true; he _did_ watch me as I slept.

"Well, you were quite restless, but you didn't wake up anymore until this morning," said Edward.

"Mmm," I mumbled.

For a while it was just silent, but probably just to me. He could hear my heartbeat, the air entering and leaving my lungs, and stuff outside too. Edward's hand was slowly stroking up and down my spine, but the way he did seemed rigid. I wondered vaguely about this, but then came to a conclusion; he wanted to know about something, and my guess, it was about my dream.

"Bella," Edward began, but I cut him off.

"Don't say it, I know. You want to know about my dream."

His body shook as he laughed. "I thought I was the mind-reader here?"

Despite myself, I laughed with him. "True, but I know what you want to know."

"Will you tell me?"

A pause. Should I? Maybe. I had to wonder, what was it like to not have dreams anymore when you didn't need to sleep? It must be nice, you don't have to reflect upon dreams, that's if you remember them at all. I know that some times, certain dreams are impossible to recall until maybe a day or two, or even a week later. It just comes to your mind and it's like, "Oh, _that's_ what that dream was about!" But then it becomes totally unimportant as you go on about your life. Yet, this dream wasn't like that. It was clear as day in my mind. I wonder, once I become a vampire, will this be stuck in my infallible mind then? Will it haunt me throughout eternity?

I remember what Rosalie once said, that once I am an immortal, my human memories will seem very dim and hard to remember. I would have to force any precious memories to remain in my mind. So, with this dream, I definitely would not be doing that.

But, once I didn't have to sleep, I wouldn't dream. Yet, I had a feeling that this dream would just haunt me, for the rest of my life . . . my existence.

"Bella?" Edward asked, noticing my long silence.

"Sorry," I said automatically. "Just thinking."

"Did you remember what your dream was about?"

_Yes, _I thought, but didn't say. I just . . . I just couldn't tell him.

"No, I'm sorry Edward." I made a move to sit up and his arms loosened. Once in a sitting position, I stared into his eyes, a beautiful honey color that all but made me melt.

Edward must have heard something in my voice for he raised a hand and swept down my cheek. I shivered.

"Don't be sorry," he said. "It was just a dream."

I looked down, examining my hands resting on the bedspread. "I know."

"But it still seems to be bothering you."

He didn't say it as a question, just as a statement, getting it out there that, hey, I had a bad dream.

"It . . . was bad, Edward," I said, my voice almost a whisper. "I don't know what, but it just left me with this awful feeling inside."

I mentally patted myself on the back for coming up with that. I fudged the truth, but I also said something true. Points for me.

Lying to my vampire was hard, though. It's not something I was proud of, or something I wanted to keep doing. For the umpteenth time, I was glad that he couldn't read my mind, hear my thoughts. The weird glitch in my brain came in handy, preventing him from having access to my mental musings. Yet, I was a terrible liar. I don't know why today I was doing so well with my lies. I mean, I knew I'd never be a killer actress.

Edward put his arms around me and pulled me into his lap, as easy if I were a rag doll, which I probably was feeling like with his strength. I cuddled up close.

"Bella, whatever this dream was," he began saying, cupping my face gently, forcing me to look him in the eye. "know that it will never happen. Never."

God, did I hope so. He couldn't really know though. I don't know, maybe I could ask Alice, just in case.

Edward's lips met mine in a kiss that literally took my breath away. I leaned into automatically, pressing myself to him, as if I hoped to meld our bodies together.

As we kissed, I really hoped that these dreams would stop. I really hoped that what I dreamt about would indeed not happened.

I really hoped that I wouldn't have to keep lying to Edward.

Because, in truth, it was painful.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I'm not real good at writing in Bella's POV. I don't know how she would exactly do, or say things, so I just went with what I had and winged it. Anyways, can I get a review on how you think I did as writing from her view so far? I have seen that I get many hits for my stories, but not reviews. Earth to readers; just reading it isn' going to improve anything! I NEED reviews and comments to see what I can do with my writing to make it enjoyable! So come on! Lemme borrow some of your time; GIVE ME REVIEWS!**

**Thanks~**


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